She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
