your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
