You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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