Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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