Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
is wine microwaveable?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
