Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
