Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
4 words: hood of his car
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
