wanna go halves on a baby?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
