the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
