yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
