Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
