Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
When are your genitals available?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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