How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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