They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
