she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
