I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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