well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm passing your future prison.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
