I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
