o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
