the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
