apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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