i can't believe i had my finger in that
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
