Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
