Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
