Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
