Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
