bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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