when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
