his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
