he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
