You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I didn't notice because vodka
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
