That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
