so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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