Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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