I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
