My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
