Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
