The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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