It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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