i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
