Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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