the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
