kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
