matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sorry about my life...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
