Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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