I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
