Whats the count minus fat chicks?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
