today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
