high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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