Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
